I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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