Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
