went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize