I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
A bitchslap is in order.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize