she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
