the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
