new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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