so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
