he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
