i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
