Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
