If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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