My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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