I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
