Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
