i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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