Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
