Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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