Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize