I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This toilet bowl is my home.
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