The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
