Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize