i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
