I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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