There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
