i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
