The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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