There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize