i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
