I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Less talking, more tequila
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
