I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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