Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
