She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
