weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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