I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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