I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
