dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
