i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
