i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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