i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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