6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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