Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
