My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
