If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
