I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
