I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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