Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
