2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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