Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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