i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize