pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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