Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
