Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
