are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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