Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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