Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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