I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
