she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
