Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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