Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
