If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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