Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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