i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
