i think my mom watched the whole time
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
