is wine microwaveable?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
