we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
