My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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