it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
