Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
