oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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