Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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