THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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