At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
