OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
