i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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