For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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