i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
