i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
