I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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