You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize