i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
