I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
