those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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