Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
