...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
