you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
