First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
