the only muscles i have these days is kegels
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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