12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
