The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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