No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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