yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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