i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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