how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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