went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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