I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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