you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize