i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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