Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize