I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
