she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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